going postal

So, I'd won Jenn's cookie contest and I was looking out for the package. Then she left a comment saying that she hoped the cookies weren't too stale so I knew that she had mailed them already. I kept looking out for them. Nothing. All sorts of things came in into my brain. . . . . "They were probably sent to the wrong address". "There must be some sort of mail delay". "Maybe Jenn has just been too busy with the huge pirate party". So Monday night I was dreaming that I was walking home from Brianna's school and then I saw our mailman sitting in his truck eating bat shaped cookies. I woke up sooooo mad and thought "If they don't deliver that package today, I'm cracking skulls". I checked the mail yesterday afternoon. Nothing. I was mad and finally called the post office. Of course this is not verbatim, but this is what I remember. . . . .

me: I was wondering if there is some sort of mail delay because I've been expecting a package since last week and it still hasn't gotten here

post office lady: uh, do you have a tracking number

me: no but it came from California and it shouldn't take this long to arrive

post office lady: well, without a tracking number I can't do much for you. there are many things that can happen to delay a package. (here she goes on and on and on explaining all the things that can happen)

me: you know, it's always something here. first it took almost a month to get my mail keys, then the mail comes at odd hours all the time and now this. I've seen the mail carrier at our box, the whole thing is open, I go check the mail, there's nothing there then just out of curiosity I check later at night and there's mail.

post office lady: that's because our mail carriers have so much work, they've been delivering mail up until 7:30 at night

me: really? so they come to the same box twice? like I said, I saw him there at about 3:30 and there was no mail left. later I saw him in a minivan putting things in the boxes and there was my mail. Also, he left his key in my mailbox. I've left it there for him for several days now and he hasn't taken it.

post office lady: you have a key in there? is it a spare key for your box?

me: no, it doesn't fit. it's just a random key

post office lady: that's a parcel key. it means you have a parcel and you need to use that key to open the parcel locker.

me: (thinking WTF?!?!?!) WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME? HE COULD'VE LEFT A NOTE OR SOMETHING.

post office lady: we take it for granted that everyone knows what those keys are for

me: I'm not from here. I'd never heard of that.

post office lady: (sounding like she thinks I'm a total moron) Well, that's a national thing, that's why we don't assume that someone doesn't know about that

me: I'd NEVER heard of that. where I come from, if you have a parcel, the mailman actually gets out of the vehicle and rings the doorbell. if no one answers, they leave a note. besides, didn't he see that the key was still there and the mail was gone? (I was LIVID!)

post office lady: well, go get your parcel then, the key will become stuck and you just leave it there.

By this time her tone was just sooooo sarcastic, I was feeling like an idiot, and I wanted the cookies, so I just quickly thanked her and hung up. Long story short, the cookies were really good. The kids expecially loved eating bats.


Thanks, Jenn! The cookies were delicious! Sorry about Brianna's bow. :P Don't hate me!

feeling: like an idiot but I still think that mailman is shady
listening to: The Whitest Boy Alive (Burning)