i can't read

Here is how I read . . . .

1. I read something that makes no sense
2. I think "WTF?!?!"
3. I read it again, correctly this time
4.. Think "OH!!!"
5. Laugh

Just today I read this: "Kevorkian bids $4.5B in cash for Chrysler".
What I thought: Wow, suicide assistance must be really lucrative
The real headline: Kerkorian bids $4.5B in cash for Chrysler

I also read: "Geeks unearth rich Roman tomb"
What I thought: Geeks? What were computer guys doing that they came upon a tomb?
The real headline: Greeks unearth rich Roman tomb

And: "Cruise ships evacuated after running around"
What I thought: Tom Cruise did what? (I took "ships" as a verb)
The real headline: Cruise ship evacuated after running aground

Also: "Dog treats audience to pet food recall"
What I thought: HUH?!
The real headline: Dog treats added to pet food recall

Finally: "Giuliani complaining in S.C.
What I thought: Maybe he hates it there
The real headline: Giuliani campaigning in S.C.

Geez, more: Florida police arrest activist for feuding homeless
What I thought: Huh, what kind of feud?
The real headline: Florida police arrest activist for feeding homeless

All I can think right now is what Rodrigo is always telling me . . . "Context, sweetie, context". Still, I think I need some glasses, pronto. Someday when I have lots and lots of time, I'll tell you about the things that I hear incorrectly. This happens ALL THE TIME. EVERYDAY. I knew I shouldn't have signed that hearing loss waiver when I became a flight attendant years ago. Then again, I probably read it wrong.

feeling: dumb
listening to: Dora or Diego counting.