bah, humbug

This is an email that I received when I ordered a gift online. . . .

Dear Yvett,

Thank you for ordering with us- we appreciate your business. Your order number appears in the subject line of this email. Since we process your order as quickly as possible, we are unable to modify or cancel your order once it is received in our system.

You'll receive a second email from us when your order has shipped and a final email when it arrives at its destination. For your records, we've included a description of your order below. If you would like to track your order, just click (our link) and enter your email address and password. You may also track your order by calling Customer Service at 1-888-blah.

What they really should have written should have been closer to this. . . .

Dear Sucker,

Thank you for ordering with us- you're just another drop in the bucket. Your order number appears in the subject line of this email but if you try to look for it now or anytime in the next few days, it'll be of no use at all. Since you are too lazy to actually go out and shop and thought this would be more convenient, we hope you understand that there a thousands of other people just like you. Only they shopped sooner. We also process your order we are good and ready, so don't bother trying to modify or cancel your order.
You'll receive a second email from us and then a third and then a fourth when your order has shipped and a final email when it arrives at its destination. We thank you for those extra eight dollars you paid for Two Day service but hope you realize that those two days are after we have processed your order. Again, we process it when we are good and ready. For your records, we've included a description of your order below. If you would like to track your order, just click (our link) and enter your email address and password. After that you will receive a message stating that your order is "being processed". No shipping date or arrival date will be on there for at least a week. In other words, that service is purely for decoration. You may also try to track your order by calling Customer Service at 1-888-blah. Any customer service agent who takes your call (assuming you actually get through to a real person) will also have no idea when you will receive your package. Next year, don't wait until December to shop. Remember, Two Day service, to us, is just a suggestion.

feeling: frustrated
listening to: nothing! I'm home alone! Ah, silence . .