my health scare

I don't know if you all have noticed that I have not really been in a bloggy mood in the last few months. Well, I had a lot of things on my mind. Yes, I've been busy, but mostly, I've been trying to keep myself busy. I have been having a pain on the side of my left breast. It started off mildly off and on then progressed more and more until finally it hurt every single day. I've been soooooo freaked out just thinking the worst possible news. I knew I had to have it checked out but I was also scared to do. I couldn't bear to imagine hearing THE diagnosis. I mean, when it comes to anything going on with your breast, I think automatically everyone freaks out and imagines the worst. I wanted to write about it here and then at the same time I didn't. I was embarrassed at how some people face difficult situations with grace and here I was crying for everything. I was so sure in my mind that I would have to have my breasts removed. I would go through periods of uncontrolled crying and or lashing out at poor Rodrigo for no apparent reason. I was accusing him of not caring about me, not caring about what was wrong with me when really all he kept saying was that I needed to go get checked out. I would think about the kids, how they were too young to understand this. I would go through completely vain and selfish thoughts about my hair and how would my would dresses fit me. Horribly shallow, really.
I hadn't told anyone other than Rodrigo, not even my mom, no one. You guys can't believe the torture this has been. Most of it brought on by me psychologically, of course, but nonetheless horrible. So I finally couldn't stand it anymore and I went to get checked out. It turns out that I have something called costochondritis. Basically, it is an inflammation of the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the breast bone. Having been expecting the worst, I could not believe it! I was soooooo happy and relieved. Two doctors have now confirmed it and I'm just on pain medication and anti-inflammatory drugs. By this time, they could've told me that I had a conjoined twin that never fully developed and was on my chest causing pain and still would've been ecstatic. So now, I'm supposed to take it easy at least until the pain subsides. I'm not supposed to lift anything or strain the cartilage. I thought it would be a piece of cake but it's a lot harder than it sounds. I had never realized just how much I carry things and really lift and use my arms. I mean, I'm a mom, that's just part of everyday stuff. So, I guess rowing a boat is out of the question for now. I'm also not going to be coaching cheer for the winter or spring seasons. I feel like I'd been in a slump and now everything is new again. I feel like I'd been carrying around a huge burden that I no longer have. Ahhh....... It feels amazing. Yeah, I'm still in pain at times but it's very well welcomed.

feeling: super relieved
listening to: Alec telling me about Santa